Monthly Archives: February 1900

Vote Yes

You might have missed it back in ’92 when one “Raphael,” running on the Yes Party ticket, made a narrowly unsuccessful bid for the Presidency. “I went to New Hampshire as an announced write-in candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America,” Raphael—now known as Da Vid—writes in his autobiographical notes on “Having had a limited budget, we lost to Bill Clinton.”

Damn that limited budget! Raphael/Da Vid surely would have won if only he had deeper pockets, and his proposed Synergistic Seven-Point Platform would be humming along, eight years strong now, like a well-oiled, cold-fusion-and-biohemp-powered mega-machine. Reports indicate that this year, his showing in New Hampshire again fell below (at least his) expectations. Maybe people were confused about the name change.

He changed the name of his Yes Party, too, to the Light Party, but don’t start thinking that all Da Vid does is sit around, thinking up new monikers. If you check out the party’s website, you won’t believe how many links buttress each of his wholistic [sic] plan’s seven points: Just under “Eco-nomic [sic] Reform,” there are 111 places to click to, many of them written by Mr. Vid himself. That’s a lot of codicils for something that’s supposed to be wholistic.

For argument’s sake, let us take as a given that a synergistic platform is only as strong as its weakest link. We will skip over the Light Party’s central cog—a randomly selected jury of 20 American citizens who, during their two-year terms, write ballot measures for the American people to vote on. This Council, by the way, “will adhere to a code of ethics of the highest standards and be of at least average IQ and competence.” We will skip over the proposed Global Peace Center on Alcatraz Island, the illustration of which resembles the cover of a Yes LP. We will ignore, for the time being, Project Peace, wherein we learn “The Compassion Exercise” (five things to think while looking at a stranger, i.e., “Just like me, this person is learning about life”). We will resist scrutinizing even when it is suggested that we try said Compassion Exercise on our romantic partners, old enemies, and, yes, alien life forms. We will focus, only, on Pillar #5, “Artainment.”

It’s a new art form that will subsume both television and music, a “holographic art form which activates holographic thinking.” For all its thoroughness, the website doesn’t hook you up with video links. This may be due to a limited budget. But there are some still shots of the art of tomorrow, and it is…kind of like a screen-saver. There’s also a catalogue of the music we’ll all be listening to while we watch it, featuring the hits of Karanesh, Deuter, Sychestra, and Robert Slap. And don’t forget Yanni.

Ftp. There goes the whole synergistic platform. There are a lot of things you can say about Clinton, but to our knowledge, he’s never endorsed Yanni. In election years, you have to be grateful for the little things.

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